Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Triple Threat

Hugh Jackman is People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” What does that have to do with LFTI?

Nothing. It’s just that I don’t have any music or a crazy behind-the-scenes story to post and it’s my day to write on the blog.

Although I suppose it’s further proof that the people at People don’t watch our show. It’s yet another year than neither Steve or myself have even been nominated. (Okay, Steve I can understand but why not me?! Is it because that person on YouTube called me fat?!)

Anyway, there I was, watching the Today Show, minding my own business and wondering if Ann Curry was going to survive her altitude sickness (she’s on Mt. Kilimanjaro you know…it’s this big thing…), when suddenly, from the computorial area (another veiled reference to Episode 8) Tanya let out a brain-melting shriek.

All right, that’s not true. Tanya doesn’t “shriek.” And my brain is made of nearly unmeltable Tungsten. I was just trying to be dramatic. Tanya shows her frustration in a simpler way. It’s more of a steady pecking. Incessant. Constant. Pecking…

But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s move on while I still have a place to live.

The reason that Tanya was annoyed with People Magazine (online edition) is that the story about Hugh Jackman started with this sentence:

“He’s a triple threat: a star who can sing, dance and wield a weapon.”

Obviously, you can see her issue.

If you can’t, then chances are that you’re not a theatre actor (and if you don’t spell “theatre” the way I just did, chances are even greater that you’re not a theatre actor …or British).

Here’s the problem. A “Triple Threat” is an entertainer who can sing, dance and act.

That’s right. “Act.” You see, the term was coined back in the day when “acting” was a “skill” and people were called “actors” because they could “act,” because they “trained” and took their craft “seriously.” They weren’t called “actors” simply because they happen to be standing on a “stage” or in front of a “camera.”

Sorry, I went a little crazy with the quotes there. But that’s how much it annoys me too. My indigence spilled out to “innocent” words.

See, this isn’t just a problem that is confined to People Magazine. Lately it seems everyone is using the term incorrectly. I think it was Access Hollywood that referred to Brandy as a Triple Threat because she can sing, act and design clothes.

What!?

Maybe I shouldn’t be upset. At least they included “acting.” But this term actually has some meaning to those of us who know its true definition. To say that Brandy is a Triple Threat because she can design clothes cheapens us all. Most of all Brandy.

Brandy may well be a true Triple Threat. I don’t know how well she dances (I pay about as much attention to Brandy as she pays to me).

The same goes for Hugh Jackman!

“Wielding weapons” has nothing to do with it! Sure, it’s an impressive skill, but it’s not part of the “big three.” It’s something that an actor puts down in the “Special Skills” section of their resume. Right next to “can drive a stick shift car.”

I mean, if we start using the term Triple Threat all willy-nilly then who’s to say what skills constitute a Triple Threat? What can be included? Playing the saxophone? Cooking eggs? Stealing husbands? Tying cherry stems into a knot with your tongue?

I’m sure some people would love for those to be qualifiers. Angelina Jolie, I’m looking at you.

I would love to be a triple threat. I can cook eggs and play the saxophone (not at the same time…though I’ve never tried…hmmm…). Sadly, I don’t think those qualifications should count. I’ll have to settle for being a “Double Threat.” Although it could be argued that being good at two things isn’t that “threatening.” I think my official status is Actor/Singer who can “move well” (that’s code for “too fat to dance properly”).

And if “Triple Threat” continues to be thrown around without regard to its original definition then why the hell stop at “Triple?” I’m sure that Hugh and Brandy have other talents that they would like to have considered when others generalize their abilities. They’re snappy dressers. Quadruple Threat! They’re rich. Quintuple Threat (as well as a threat to the proletariat)! They seem like they might be tender lovers. Sextuple Threat!

Stupid.

My point is…

What’s my point? Oh yeah. My Point is that it’s Wednesday and I’ve posted.

ROBB (“Milluple Threat.” And, yes, I’m including my ability to create a motion-tracked vignette in Final Cut Studio’s “Color” program. So there.)


Don’t forget to watch LFTI! Where all the actors are at least “Single Threats.”

Steve is good with fonts.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Yes, I tend to be pretty good with fonts. Just so you know, using these current standards, I can be considered a Duodecuple Threat. I can:

1. Sing

2. Act stupid

3. Dance like a cracker

4. Dilly-dally

5. Curse

6. Procrastinate

7. Pontificate

8. Fontificate

9. Use "miasma" in a sentence

10. Eat cake

11. Grind a cabochon

12. Ignore lists